Yesterday was strange though.
It was like I let it out
by being happy.
Being with you
is a wake-up call
that feels a lot like a dream.
I will not hold it in.
Check out Half Demon Doll here!
A relationship has never felt this right before. I don’t know if it’s him that’s different, or me that’s different, or a mix of both. There’s no “You have to text me and then I have to do a winky face ;) and this heart <3”.
For the first time, I’m not afraid of my feelings. Well… I am. Honestly. I’m always afraid of something. But this time, I’m not fighting my feelings. I’m completely aware of how much I like this boy, and I respect him enough to be completely honest about who I am. I’m letting myself get excited to be with him. Riding the bus with him each morning is like listening to a playlist of my favorite jams to inspire me to get out of bed. No matter if we’re half-asleep or talking about Hans Zimmer, I just love being around him.
We’re such good friends, that’s really the cool thing. It’s not like I started hanging out with him so that eventually we’d go out. I honestly didn’t see it coming. We took our time.
What I really need to mention is the way he looks at me. All I can think of is the lyric in Beauty and the Beast where Beast says “But then she’s never looked at me that way before.” He’s probably been looking at me this way for a long time, but I’ve been too busy looking at my feet to notice. He’s got these piercing blue eyes (just like Dumbledore… wow so many different references, all of my favorite things) and whenever he catches my eye, I just feel like I’m glowing. Not because I think he needs a reason to stare at me. And not because I’m blushing. But because he seems to see the beauty inside of me. I want to do cannonballs into his eyes.
Why yes, we did watch the Lion King today. How did you know?
He is threatening to turn me into a romantic.
And I don’t think I wanna fight it.
You can only be a pessimist for so long.
Why I Suck At Making Mix CDs = confidence
I’m not the most confident person, but I usually feel comfortable with myself. I like who I am, and I don’t get embarrassed easily. However. When it comes to picking music that another person will hopefully enjoy, I lose all faith in myself. It actually gets me pretty depressed, which is kinda ridiculous. I’ve never made someone a mix CD and thought “Wow, that’s a really good mix CD. I’m proud of that.” It has never happened. I always doubt the songs I’m picking, what order I’m putting them in, and even what I title the CD.
If I just pick my favorite songs, the receiver will be forced to tolerate 15-20 pop-punk tracks. That is more than the average human being wants to hear. So I throw in one post-rock tune. Wait, now that’s weird. That song’s like 8 minutes long, WTF? I can fix that with some free downloads from iTunes. Hold on, what if the receiver also checks out the iTunes free downloads? Aw fuck, they’ll know what I did there. How many love songs is too many? Let’s do some math; 80% of all songs could be called love songs. Following that reasoning, 16/20 songs on this mix could be love songs, and it wouldn’t be odd. That’s how logic works right?
I don’t worry about what they think of my taste in music. I worry about why they think I chose those songs.
Just saw Beauty and the Beast in the theater with my sister and my boyfriend. Oh Howard Ashman, what a beautiful soul you were. I miss you dearly.
Now about to go see Jack’s Mannequin at my first 18+ show with the friend who introduced me to them 2.5 years ago.
Aww :) They’re playing with this fun indie band Jukebox the Ghost and this bluesy group Allen Stone. It’s my first 18+ show so I’m beyond stoked!
- GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME
High point: Friend plays song she wrote for her boyfriend.
Low point: Tears on my face.