ghostsandonionskins:

We were young and passionate
a lover and a friend
the world would bend beneath the wind
but we would never bend
We shook mountains and bedposts
and our words could make god bow
we thought that we would kill him
but we never figured how
Then I became a poet
and you began to sing
amidst this choral mystery
we didn’t know a thing
My verse would herd the breathless
your voice demanded eyes
we grew too big for basement worlds
and “once upon a time”s
together always hungry
but apart we had full plates
We thought the world would wait for us
The world, she doesn’t wait
I went across the ocean
you stayed to face your fears
I heard you on the radio
you’d melt my strength to tears
Hope it traced a silhouette
that looked a lot like you
I met the new world smiling
and I ran my readers through
but shadows are not magic
to hold and keep you warm
they darken like a graycloud
that comes heralding a storm
And you lost your lungs for arias
on center stage mid-song
You called me minutes later
said without me you sound wrong
Now our bed is warm and pillowed
I hold you and we sleep
the days could not be brighter
nor darkness be more deep
And I’m not a poet anymore
that’s what happiness will do
but I only ever wrote to prove
I’m worth you singing to

the king i see inside

A relationship has never felt this right before. I don’t know if it’s him that’s different, or me that’s different, or a mix of both. There’s no “You have to text me and then I have to do a winky face ;) and this heart <3”.

For the first time, I’m not afraid of my feelings. Well… I am. Honestly. I’m always afraid of something. But this time, I’m not fighting my feelings. I’m completely aware of how much I like this boy, and I respect him enough to be completely honest about who I am. I’m letting myself get excited to be with him. Riding the bus with him each morning is like listening to a playlist of my favorite jams to inspire me to get out of bed. No matter if we’re half-asleep or talking about Hans Zimmer, I just love being around him.

We’re such good friends, that’s really the cool thing. It’s not like I started hanging out with him so that eventually we’d go out. I honestly didn’t see it coming. We took our time.

What I really need to mention is the way he looks at me. All I can think of is the lyric in Beauty and the Beast where Beast says “But then she’s never looked at me that way before.” He’s probably been looking at me this way for a long time, but I’ve been too busy looking at my feet to notice. He’s got these piercing blue eyes (just like Dumbledore… wow so many different references, all of my favorite things) and whenever he catches my eye, I just feel like I’m glowing. Not because I think he needs a reason to stare at me. And not because I’m blushing. But because he seems to see the beauty inside of me. I want to do cannonballs into his eyes.

Why yes, we did watch the Lion King today. How did you know?

january 21st

Just saw Beauty and the Beast in the theater with my sister and my boyfriend. Oh Howard Ashman, what a beautiful soul you were. I miss you dearly.

Now about to go see Jack’s Mannequin at my first 18+ show with the friend who introduced me to them 2.5 years ago.

“You’re the melody I hear.”

High point: Friend plays song she wrote for her boyfriend.

Low point: Tears on my face.

Days that count

I always think I’ll remember every detail about a really good day, but months later I will have forgotten everything. That is why I’m recording my weekend now; I just have to remember it.

Both Saturday and Sunday were spent in a group of four. They could’ve been considered double dates but really it was just friends hanging out. I didn’t really get to know this group until this school year, but I’m astounded it at how much I’ve grown in their company. Moving on.

First day, my boyfriend and I walked to the other guy’s house. So yeah, for some reason when I’m with him I like being outside. It’s an incredible new sensation, and I still haven’t worked out how I feel about it, but at the very least, it is healthy. This walk was beautiful. It was pretty cold out, but surely not as bad as it could’ve been. I didn’t really mind because my companion and our conversation was delightful. I can’t recall specific excerpts, but I’m certain that there were stories and jokes and laughter and smiles. The weather was much too nice for a January day in Minnesota, so I kinda felt like we were in a movie scene.

Arriving at our friend’s house was nice because it was the first time the three of us had really hung out since two of us became a couple. It didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable or any of my usual feelings. It was fun and friendly and right. Furthermore, us three had spent New Years together and fallen asleep sitting on the same couch. So there’s a sense of closeness there. This friend also loves spoonerisms, and does them all the time, so I bonded with him over that. Later the fourth arrived, so we all spent the day watching Reefer Madness, the 1966 version of Batman, and The Last Crusade. We all squished together on Will’s bed and consumed a half-pound Reeses’ Peanut Butter Cup in the dark (while watching the movies of course). I really felt like I belonged there, and I thoroughly enjoyed everyone’s company.

Later, we ate dinner and started to go for a walk, then came back quickly to finish the last movie. The other three had been friends long before I came into the picture, so I sometimes worry about feeling left out, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. They were letting me in on lots of inside jokes, and even beyond that, they were laughing at MY jokes. My style of joking is pretty much sarcasm or plays on words, it’s not really conscious and usually doesn’t even land properly, but they seemed to think I was funny, which was amazing. And I was comfortable! Seriously, are you hearing this?! Major steps here! I was being me, being natural, and it was good enough. I was totally at ease. I don’t know how this boy does it.

After finishing the films and nearly falling asleep, we said our goodbyes. But for him and me, we have a bit of a journey left. First we have to walk back to his house, so we take off on the same lovely trail. However, now it’s nighttime so it just enhances the beauty by like 7x. The snow was coming down fluffily and we were tired and wired. There isn’t a single star in the sky; even so, I didn’t know a couple miles of Minneapolis could be so pretty. We looked over a bridge and I mentioned the scene from Jumanji, so he started talking about Zathura. Then we got into a deep discussion of time and crazy science facts that blow your mind.

By this point we had reached his quiet block. We walked in the street under the lightposts, and while we’re looking up at the clear sky, I turn my eyes to him and suddenly it’s like it’s the first time I’ve really seen him. Somehow through this special day all the connections we made finally reach my brain. I used to think we were the same height, but now it’s obvious that he’s a tall guy. His eyes are honest and he’s really looking at me. He’s sincere, and I can only hope that he can see that I feel the same way.

Then in my head, I’m like “This would be such a perfect place to kiss! The middle of the street, the dark, the snow, omgz!” And as we approach his car, I’m happy that we’re doing things the way they happen, and not the way they ought to be. He drives me home and walks me to the door, because he’s a gentleman, and we can’t tell if it’s nerves or energy but we’re both smiling and somehow we say goodnight.

DAY #2 (Holy god this is the longest post, and shit I could’ve used their actual names because there’s no way anyone read this far)

He meets me at my house, and we walk to uptown to meet the other two again. More walking, talking, this day’s even warmer. Then we all meet up and go to Cheapo, we look at VHS’s and talk about movies. We hit some more stores, a grocery store for some reason, browse socks and hats, lounge on one of those couches they put in malls for some reason, all the while talking and finally walking to the lake. No wait, scratch that — walking ON the lake.

These kids are a bad influence on me. It was another gorgeous day, and the sun was close to setting so there were shades of pink and orange in the clouds as we step on the ice. My boyfriend almost falls, so I hold his hand, and it’s nice. I’ve never walked on a lake before. This is exciting. The other two are sliding along behind us, dancing occasionally, we watch them in hopes that they fall but somehow they remain stable. As this adventure continues onto the beach’s sand, we come to Will’s dad’s house.

We decide to retreat indoors for hot chocolate and warmth. This place has an exquisite view over the lake, perfect angle for the sunset, along with a really nice couch. We end up watching Clue, because it’s both Will’s and my favorite movie. This is really a testament to how much I like these people, because I laugh hysterically and very unattractively every time I watch Clue. Will and I are saying our favorite lines and sharing glances whenever we repeat the same quote. After a little while the guy sitting next to me puts up his hand and says “Don’t strangle me.” So I clasp his with mine and we cuddle up for the movie. We’ve agreed that holding hands was invented to ensure that one partner cannot strangle the other. It’s really sweet and romantic.

As we become more silly and giggly, the movie soon concludes. Will’s funny father takes us all home, and when we get to my house he encourages the respective boy to walk me up. We run across the street and say goodnight. A quick hug presents itself and then he runs back to the car. I laugh a little at his messy hair and his frantic stride.

Now that I have spent more time writing about this weekend than actually engaging in this weekend, I’m fairly confident that these two days are safe in my memory. And that is a good feeling.

4 miles

You see it’s kinda sweet cuz I’d much rather be

sitting on the couch watching DVDs

But that warm first date in January

you got me outside voluntarily

The kid I’ve never been was getting her turn

and just like that we start to learn

Each step around this lake is another chance taken

I feel our shakyness start to break

The wind in my hair

The sound of your voice

The smell of the trees

Your hand touching mine

The rhythm of our stride

Our laughter colliding

I never knew how to truly see until I closed my eyes.

I just saw Tangled

It could be that I’m 18.

It could be my ovaries.

It could be the chance I took on New Years.

But for some reason, this movie made me sob. Like, I could not stifle my emotions. And it’s not like I haven’t cried recently. This just caused so many tears.

Hopeless romantic? Not I.

hold it in

Tears.

Tired.

Worry.

Uncertainty.

Crazy.

Fear.

Words.

Yesterday was strange though.

It was like I let it out

by being happy.

Being with you

is a wake-up call

that feels a lot like a dream.

I will not hold it in.

breakoffthechains:

He is threatening to turn me into a romantic.

And I don’t think I wanna fight it.

You can only be a pessimist for so long.

(Source: sevenlittledevils)

sevenlittledevils asked: I am beyond jealous that you're seeing Jack's Mannequin. :o Who are they playing with?

Aww :) They’re playing with this fun indie band Jukebox the Ghost and this bluesy group Allen Stone. It’s my first 18+ show so I’m beyond stoked!

Another wasted night

I seriously just spent 3+ hours obsessing over astrology and looking into the zodiac signs.

Turns out, I’m nothing like a Sagittarius.